By holding onto the past rather than flowing with the changes in our lives and the lives of others around us, we actually create our own discomfort and pain.

We mistakenly believe that the changes that occur separate us from what we know and love and we wonder why things have to change… why can’t things just stay the same so we can be happy? But it’s not the changes that prevent us from being happy. It’s our failure to live in the moment and accept the changes as gradual that creates our unhappiness and eventually leads to our feelings of alienation and unfamiliarity.

We spend so much time holding onto things which quickly become the past and as things gradually change around us, we don’t perceive it as gradual change. Once things start changing, we cling to how things were day and night, night and day… and while the world around us adapts to the day-to-day changes life brings us… there we are, still clinging to the past. And we cling to the past until one day we can’t cling to it anymore. And suddenly we feel alienated and unfamiliar with our surroundings. We blame the changes for these feelings but in reality they come from being unable to live in the moment and let go of attachment.

When we don’t get what we want – we suffer. When we get what we don’t want – we suffer. And even when we get exactly what we want, we still suffer because we can’t hold onto it forever. But life is full of changes and the only way for us to live a life free from longing and attachment is to accept those changes day to day, as they happen rather than staying focused on the past.

It’s much the same with people, too.

When we hold on so tightly to the image we have of someone we love that we invest all of our energy and love in them – as long as that image remains our love for them never fades – however, when people change, as they always do, we think we’ve lost the person we once loved. Really, though, we’ve only lost our ability to live in the moment and let go of the past.

It’s hard to let go of the past. That’s why living in the moment is the easiest way to live. When you never form attachments and don’t hold onto the past – you’ll never have to suffer the pain of having to let go.

Life is too short to keep things inside; to pass up opportunities to tell the people in our lives how we feel about them. Each time I think about holding back I realize that although I think I will have the chance to change my mind later – I may not. Maybe I won’t have tomorrow. Maybe they won’t have tomorrow. The idea of someone I care about leaving this Earth without knowing how deeply I care about them is very unnerving for me.

The idea of me leaving this Earth without people I care about knowing exactly how I feel is just as unnerving. I realize that I probably express myself too much at times and that might be annoying to some people. But that’s who I am, and as hard as I try I just can’t keep things inside. I’m expressive. That’s just part of my life. Accept it or not, I don’t think that will ever change. I try to take into account the way other people respond to and interpret what I have to say, but in the end if I have something to say it will be said.

I’ve taken many chances in my life with expressing myself to people who misinterpret what I have to say and who don’t know how to accept compliments when I give them. That’s completely understandable. I just say what I feel, and expect nothing in return. I wish that everyone could be as open as I can be at times, because I sometimes see things in people that are completely bottled up and stuffed so far down inside of them just screaming for an opportunity to be let out… but without some kind of safety net they can’t. It’s scary. And I can feel that.

There are so many masks that we put on when we go out into the world that sometimes we forget to take them off when we come back home. Sometimes they’re glued on – layer after layer and they feel so natural that they become a second skin. We forget they are masks. We think we’re being honest. But something nags at us, telling us that something is wrong. But when we’ve built relationships around a mask that we mistakenly thought was part of who we really are, if we take off that mask we will appear to be a liar.

Even though it was an honest mistake and we even fooled ourselves into believing that our mask was real. What do we do? Pile on more masks. Convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter. We can’t risk losing everything we have – we want to hang onto what we have. The thought of losing what we have is too devastating that it just simply is not an option to pull off the masks. Thus more masks are born.

But even those who become upset when they discover that we’ve been hiding behind a mask – are, themselves, hiding behind their own mask.

If you look at people with your eyes you’ll see imperfection. You will see only what the masks allow you to see.
If you hold expectations of people you’ll experience frustration and disappointment.

If you look at people with your heart and love them purely for who they are as a whole – you will find beauty in every facet of their soul and you’ll not only be able to accept the traits which would otherwise cause you frustration but you’ll be able to smile, genuinely, despite what goes on. You won’t see what the masks allow – you will see them as if their masks don’t even exist.

You will be able to easily and naturally accept them the way they are. You won’t even see physical traits as undesirable “but love them anyway” – no, you won’t even be aware of that concept. Your brain will not process anything as undesirable. It will turn your whole world around. You’ll experience a purity that you can’t find through any other means.

You’ll no longer feel the desire to change anyone. Even if it would benefit their self-improvement, you will encourage them when they want to take that step but you will have no desire to initiate it because you’ll finally understand that you just simply cannot do it. They have to do it completely on their own.

You’ll be able to see a piece of someone’s soul in everything from the moon to a beautiful pink sunset with the clouds hanging low… you’ll feel them in everything, and you’ll finally realize that there really is no separation in this world – everything is connected. Opening yourself to real Love just helps you experience it first hand. It stops being a theory and becomes a reality.

Walls and masks, masks and walls. Are they to keep others out? Or keep ourselves in? Can others remove our masks and knock down our walls or do we do it ourselves?

In life, there is no destination, only a constant journey.

If you feel like others are ahead of you and getting to their destination in life faster than you, understand that they are not getting closer to an actual destination and even if they achieve the goal they are currently pursing, that is not a destination.

Life is a perpetual cycle of goals. Completing goals creates new goals. We don’t just stop all activity once we get one thing we worked hard for, right? We continue, pursue more goals, and keep going. Goals are like stepping stones. They are walking across stepping stones, just as you are, going from one goal to the next, and at this point in time it may seem as though their next stepping stone is closer than your next, but opportunities present themselves at different times for different people and different paths. Have faith that you are in the right place at the right time.

Sometimes you may see someone propelled to their next stepping stone so quickly it seems like life just picks them up like the wind and carefully places them ever so gently right on top of their next stepping stone while you struggle endlessly to even find your next stone. What you don’t see is what’s going on behind the scenes. Sometimes people are picked up quickly because an important opportunity is waiting. A person to meet; a conversation to engage in; a sight to see. Something that is necessary for their journey.

We’ve all been picked up and whisked away quickly and quietly to some of our own stepping stones. We just don’t seem to notice it when it happens to us. We take it for granted because we just don’t notice when it happens. We don’t notice it because we aren’t satisfied. Only when we are satisfied do we look around us and say, “wow, I’m here! I did it!” We are expecting satisfaction but we think of satisfaction as a final destination. And there is no destination thus we are perpetually searching for that satisfaction. Sometimes when we’re subjected to more questions, more situations and opportunities and choices, we overlook the fact that perhaps we are the lucky ones – we are given multiple opportunities and choices and are able to go at our own pace, while others around us are literally whisked away suddenly and they have no other paths to choose from to follow their dreams.

Ah, but the grass is always greener, is it not? When we get whisked away we wish we had more choices; when we have all the choices in the world we wish life would just take us where we want to be.

But you have to understand that some people have mere inches between the stepping stones in their lives; others have miles. Some people’s lives are paved solid with stepping stones and others are few and far between. But those stepping stones are not destinations. Once we reach one, we continue our path onto the next. It’s never ending. It doesn’t matter if someone else has reached their next stone before you have reached your next one. For all you know, that could be their first stepping stone while you’ve already reached hundreds in your lifetime. All that matters is that you are on your journey, actively pursing your life’s dream.

Comparing yourself to other people and their path in life is like comparing apples to bears. Stay focused on your dream. When you have a longer journey than others between your stepping stones, the knowledge and wisdom you gain along the way will increase the quality of your life and allow you to reach your future  stepping stones without stumbling around or losing your balance.

“Unconditional love is when you love with an open heart no matter the condition of other people’s hearts. It’s putting aside your own wants and needs and loving for the simple sake of loving – expecting nothing in return, and not being disappointed if it goes ignored.”

I think a lot of people forget to love without expectations. Everything we do in life is an expression of love when it comes from the heart. Even something small that seems like it’s devoid of all meaning. Doing favors for people, helping them out with their daily tasks, taking the time out to talk to them, or give something to them even if it’s just a smile – and too many people are so willing to quickly pull that love back when they don’t find immediate gratification returned to them and they don’t get what they want.

We all face that same challenge at different times in our lives — feeling that our efforts are unappreciated and we have wasted our time… and perhaps we have failed, maybe we think our love wasn’t good enough because people don’t seem to care – but when we love with an open and honest heart, we can never fail.

Love in all forms in the moment is always sweet. It’s only when we start to move out of the present moment that it turns bittersweet — when we think of the past or worry about the future or drag our thoughts somewhere beyond the here and now.

When people ask me how to be a better person, I tell them to be more like a tree. Trees don’t withhold their shade from anything or anyone – not even the bugs who eat their bark nor the humans who chop them down.

Silence doesn’t have to be awkward. If given the chance to experience it – embrace it. It’s only uncomfortable for a short moment. I promise.

Embrace the silence with every breath you take as if your life depends on the harmonious mixture of oxygen and stillness…

Connections are important in this lifetime. So why are we all distracted by things that don’t matter? People are afraid of getting close. Being open. Existing purely for the sake of unconditional love.

When you walk past a tree, or gaze up at the stars, do you look at them with as much admiration and love that you do for the people in your life?

Unconditional love. Humans could stand to learn something about this subject from the trees. A tree never withholds its love from anyone or anything for any reason. Not even those who chop them down, pick at their leaves and branches and seek to destroy them. No, a tree will provide shade unconditionally until the last moment possible, never wavering.

Don’t you think we all ought to strive to be more like the trees? After all, remember that we need them to survive – but they don’t need us. So who’s the higher species? Humans? Or Douglas Fir?

Connections. Everyone has connections with others in their life. Every connection is different – and it should be. We all need a wide variety of people in our lives to feel complete. One person cannot be everything to anyone. Ever. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’ll never find it.

The problem people have in relationships is that their insecurities compare them to everyone else, and rather than just experiencing what they currently have with someone they long for someone else’s connection.

Don’t they know that they are perfectly capable of developing their existing connections so much more deeply than they already are, and that they have the capacity to develop something wonderful that transcends even the other connections they long for? Connections are built, not poofed into existence. All you have to do is concentrate on what’s in front of you. Don’t look to the past; don’t look to the future. Just look straight ahead. Look at your feet if you have to, to keep your attention from wandering… eventually you’ll be able to adjust your focus… and sharpen your view. Words to live by. FA SHO, FA SHO!

But seriously, people, the connections you have with people in your life are all going to be very, very different. Embrace that. Don’t compare yourself to other people! Don’t compare connections! You can’t, it’s just going to drive you crazy.

Sometimes people have deeper connections with others in their life and you will never have a connection with them on that level but realize that’s okay! And it doesn’t make those connections any less meaningful. Instead of being depressed about not automatically having a deep connection HANDED to you by God, look at it as an opportunity to DEVELOP that deeper connection. You know, make the effort?

Stop distracting yourselves. Embrace the silence. Embrace the awkward moments and realize that you don’t have to fill the silence with meaningless drivel. You don’t have to entertain each other constantly. Once you experience the depth that silence has to offer you’ll experience something amazing.

Absorb the people in your life, don’t just keep them at an arm’s length. Pull them closer. Make the effort. Don’t ignore your instincts and don’t be afraid.

I have something really incredibly wonderful with a few people in my life and it’s all because I wasn’t afraid to pull them closer.

… people are so afraid to lose what they have that they try to chain down what they love. People, things. They chain everyone around them down until finally they start gnawing off their own legs just to escape…

Don’t chain down or clip the wings of those you love – allow them to fly freely and follow their own life path. Enjoy the time when their path intersects with yours. When their spirit soars across your night’s sky – embrace that beauty and express that love and appreciation freely… but realize the moment you chain them down is the moment that beauty will disappear.

Think about it.

If you stand in awe of someone because of who they are and you admire them while they’re on their life path… once you chain them down to yours, they can no longer walk along their own path. Tied to you, they can only be dragged across unfamiliar terrain by their necks. And where is the beauty in that?

By chaining down someone’s beauty you will lose it. As long as they’re in your chains, you’ll never see their soul glide across your night’s sky. Isn’t that what draws you in?

Selfless love. Love is selfless. Selfless love is being able to admire someone’s beauty, their path, their passion – and support them in whatever direction they want to go in – even if you’re not included in their master plan. Love for the sake of loving. Not for what you may get in return. Put aside your wants and needs and think about it. Pack up your chains. Pull up the anchor. It’s time to set sail…

Carry each joyful moment with you as though it hasn’t passed; but do not allow your happiness to depend upon your ability to recreate those moments – you can never recreate them and you will die trying.

If you set conditions on your happiness – “I’ll be happy if only I could experience -this- once more, or -that- for the first time” – you will spend the rest of your life trying to relive the past — and the present moment — the Here and Now — will escape your consciousness as though it is your final breath on this Earth.

When you experience something wonderful and amazing – the healthy way to hold onto it is to continue to allow yourself to feel the way you felt while you were in that moment – without the pain of wishing to be in that moment once again. You don’t need to be in that moment to feel its joy. Be as joyous now as you were then.

Don’t allow yourself to become addicted to conditional happiness. When your happiness depends on any person, place or thing – your emotions will turn into a rollercoaster disaster. Change is constant – people come and go in our lives, our current location changes day to day and possessions disappear without warning.

When you are happy – truly happy at the core of your soul – you can love everyone and everything around you with all of your heart yet love just the same if it all disappeared tomorrow. Why? Because being truly happy is all about living in the moment.

Unconditional happiness. Stop looking for a reason to be happy. Stop looking for a reason to love. Just Love.