This is how a typical conversation goes on social media. If you’re lucky, someone will respond to the content in your post. Most people aren’t that lucky.
1. Make your point.
You: “The cow jumped over the moon.”
2. Field irrelevant responses.
Someone: “Cows are dumb.”
You: “Yes, Bob, some cows are dumb. But being smart is not a prerequisite for moon-jumping.”
3. Clarify your point for people who misunderstood your point.
Someone: “I disagree. Nobody should be putting moons in their pasture, that’s animal cruelty making a cow jump over a moon to get to the feed bin.”
You: “Well, that’s not exactly what I’m saying. Nobody placed a moon inside the pasture. The cow was actually wandering around in space and found the moon and decided to jump over for fun.”
4. Question how humans have survived this long.
Someone: “Well, that’s still animal cruelty. You’re an idiot for letting your cow wander around in space.”
You: How did we even get here??
5. Answer questions from people who request clarification to better understand your point.
No one:
6. Field comments from social justice warriors.
Someone: “It doesn’t matter if the cow made her own choice to jump over the moon. It’s still an effect of institutionalized heiferism. Since the dawn of time, only the heifers have been jumping over the moon.
They wouldn’t jump over the moon if the world wasn’t seeded with anti-cow narratives controlled by the left. It’s udderly ridiculous to think that a cow can make her own choice to jump over the moon. They’re being enslaved by the patriarchy.”
You: “Well, we can certainly talk about the cow patriarchy, but I’m pretty sure the cow was just feeling inspired by the cat’s fiddle-playing and you know, jumped for joy.”
7. Field comments from The Contrarians.
Someone: “Why are we even talking about cows? Who cares if they jump over the moon? And if they do, you need to provide proof – pics or it didn’t happen!”
You: “Alrighty then.”
8. Field comments from the deep thinkers.
Someone: “Cows don’t always jump over the moon. I knew a cow once and it never jumped over anything, not even a stick. I understand what you’re trying to say here, but you have to understand, some cows aren’t going to jump over the moon. It’s just not in their nature. Psychologically, cows prefer to stay close to the ground.
The chances of a cow jumping over anything are slim, like 1 in 1,000,000. I know because I have a Ph.D. in Cowology. So, speak for your own cows. My cows would never commit such a useless act.”
You: “Cool, so, I’m talking about my cow that jumped over the moon…”
9. Try to bring the conversation back on point.
You: “I understand that not all cows jump over the moon, but like, my cow did jump over the moon and I’d like to share that experience.”
Everyone:
10. Meet up with someone in person.
Someone: “Oh, hey, I saw your post about the jumping cow.”
You: “Yeah, I don’t want to talk about it.”
11. Get in a time machine and go back to the 1980s before social media existed.
