Category: Spiritual Heretic

So, what exactly does it mean to be “Awake?”

I thought being Awake meant being aware of important things like Monsanto’s conspiracy to poison the food supply, and the government’s various agendas. I thought being Awake meant seeing through all the lies within the Matrix and having the balls to do anything to break out of the Matrix, destroy my ego, raise my vibration, and free myself from delusion once and for all… to achieve unity consciousness until love oozed out of my pores… to embody love and compassion for all sentient beings and help others wake up, too!

When I actually woke up, all I could do was laugh at my former (incorrect) ideas of what it means to be Awake. It all made sense when I was asleep…

…dreams always make perfect sense until you wake up…

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Turning Columbine Research Inward

Why does anyone research Columbine, anyway? Who knows. I can’t tell you what drove me to read 35,000 pages of documents multiple times, cataloguing the contents, and studying the details. Years ago I would say it was about the children who died and preventing future incidents and all that, but that isn’t the real reason. That was what interested me about the case, but researching Columbine turned out to be the koan that sent me hurdling into reality and out of the dream at breakneck speed against my will.

I didn’t know that’s what was happening until I flew off the cliff into nothingness forever. Whoops. Wrong turn? Not a chance. There are no wrong turns.

Some people would find it morbid to know that some of us have spent more time staring at the shooters’ dead, bloody bodies than we have spent doing homework. No matter. You either understand or you don’t. You can’t convince anyone of an experience they haven’t had, which is why I don’t expect many (if any at all) to understand this post.

Staring at the dead, bloody bodies of the Columbine shooters is one way to launch yourself into an awakening you don’t-know-you-don’t-want-but-can’t-avoid-because-you-have-no-choice. Dead bodies. Blood. Gore. Suicide. Death. Reality. Reality. Reality. Read that again – REALITY.

Huh.

Death is a reality.

“What if Eric had graduated, would he have gone on to become a famous video game designer? Do you think the creators of DOOM would have welcomed him on the team?”

Who cares, he’s dead, lying in a pool of his own blood with the top of his head blown off from a self-inflicted shotgun blast through the roof of his mouth.

Imagine that. You stick a loaded shotgun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Hard to imagine, right? Really. When you look at Eric lying on the ground, put yourself in his position and imagine you’ve just done the unthinkable and you’re done. You’re going to cause your own death. You won’t be opening up the refrigerator tomorrow to look for a can of Coke or a slice of pie. You don’t know where the fuck you’re going or if you’ll even exist. You just know you’re done.

Imagine every detail of pulling the trigger. The initial feeling of blowing your own head off with a shotgun shell traveling through the roof of your mouth, blowing off the top of your head. How long do you feel before your brain cuts off? Everyone says this type of suicide ends a life “instantly,” but how can anyone really know? Nobody knows. Nobody knows anything.

And Dylan. Imagine you’re him, you just witnessed your sort-of best friend blow his head off and now it’s your turn. Do you hesitate? Why? You don’t want to live anymore and you’ve just done the unthinkable. If you don’t kill yourself now, you’ll spend the rest of your life in jail in misery.

Does the biological impulse of survival kick in? Or do you just pull the trigger?

Put yourself in Dylan’s shoes. If you don’t believe he killed himself, set that belief aside for a moment and just think. You’re kneeling in front of your friend who just blew his head off. You’ve got a TEC-DC9M aimed at your left temple. You pull the trigger and fall to the floor. After a brief moment, you roll over onto your back where you cough and drown in your own blood.

Maybe you should have used your shotgun.

What does that feel like? To die so terribly? To have a bullet rip through your brain and not even die right away?

Feel it, imagine you are him and feel every moment of it.

Now do the same with every person they killed that day. Imagine being every single victim and experience dying over and over and over again.

I bet you won’t do it.

Death is too much, too horrific, too… taboo. It’s something to sweep under the carpet and ignore. Yet, people die every day from injuries far worse than what landed Eric and Dylan on that library floor on April 20, 1999.

Death is reality. And you can’t see who you are and where you are without embracing death.

If you want to know what life is all about, carry a laminated copy of their dead bodies with you everywhere you go. You have to invite death to the breakfast table, the movies, your best friend’s birthday party. Stare at the photos every chance you get.

When you stare enough, one day, reality will become obvious. But that’s not where the journey ends. That’s just where it begins.

Once you realize what reality is, there’s an adjustment period.

What can researching Columbine tell you about yourself?

As you read the 11k pages of witness testimony, you’ll see a pattern emerge that shows memory to be faulty. It’s tempting to view discrepancies as some kind of “cover-up,” but that’s a treacherous path that will leads you into the weeds.

Human memory is extremely faulty and vulnerable to suggestion. Research hard enough and you’ll see that witnesses heard similar, but different things and their subsequent interviews began morphing into one snowball of an identical story after they conversed with one another.

Witness testimony is like a game of telephone.

If you’ve noticed this, did you ever stop to question your own memory? Like “wow, maybe my memory isn’t so great. What if things didn’t really happen the way I thought they did when I was in school? Maybe people didn’t hate me as much as I thought they did. Maybe I created a story that morphed over time into something that didn’t actually happen the way I remember…”

What if your narrative of Columbine is inaccurate simply because your memory, along with witness’ memory, is faulty. What if what you believe happened before, during, and after Columbine is not true, but a story woven together by the fabric of thousands of faulty memories, including witnesses, police, victims, parents, and community members?

What if…

Can you question “what really happened” regardless of where it takes you? That what happened is irrelevant?

How many times have you changed your perception or views about Columbine and what happened before, during, and after?

If you haven’t changed your views and been SHOCKED at discovering major truths you can’t believe you missed, you haven’t investigated objectively. You’re stuck in judgment, viewing the case through the lens of your personal bias.

Witness testimony is fodder for stories that will take you further from TRUTH. When you dismantle your stories about Columbine by seeking TRUTH (which cannot be found in witness testimony), it will give you a template by which to investigate your own life, which is really the only thing that matters.

Let the dead bury the dead. You want to wake up from the dream. You want to dissolve your own stories and narratives in your personal life until you reach a point where you see the world differently and more clearly because you’ve realized how many errors you’ve made because of wrong perception and faulty memory.

Researching the details of Columbine serve but one purpose: to facilitate a profound inner transformation. It’s not WHAT you find that matters. It’s the process.

Ultimately, researching Columbine isn’t about what happened that day or what led up to the massacre or where each shell landed and who said what in the library. It’s about you, researching. It’s the invisible, undetected zen koan that life has thrown in your path that you have yet to recognize as the catalyst for personal transformation… your personality is driven with an insatiable need to devour the investigation, but what your soul really wants is to use the process to destroy your own ego (identity).

Given enough time, that’s exactly what it will do… when you’re willing to stare at those bloody, dead bodies lying on the library floor.

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The Mark of the Beast is Jesus Christ

Life is suffering, period.

Everyone is attempting to escape inherent suffering through temporary pleasure. This is why various teachers tell their students desire is the root of suffering. Technically, desire doesn’t create suffering – it merely perpetuates suffering and postpones liberation.

We are surrounded by distractions that keep us from noticing the reality that life is suffering. Every pleasure is simply an attempt to relieve that suffering, even if just for a moment.

We’re constantly seeking that temporary relief through food, goals, hobbies, jobs, tasks, money, status, fame, meditation, creating your reality (which always fails), and even seemingly humble tasks like feeding hungry people and sheltering the homeless, and you know, performing “random acts of kindness” and “paying it forward.”

How the fuck did society manage to commercialize humility?

The first step is to wipe that whipped cream off your cow pies and acknowledge the truth – that life is absolute misery and we’re all pretending it’s wonderful or has the potential to be wonderful. It doesn’t. Wonderful comes only in fleeting moments and nothing more.

The second step is to stop and look around… where are you? Where are we?

Where are we, really? Who created this world? God? Perhaps. However, it’s not God who rules this world.

Even a quick glance through the Old Testament reveals that Satan is the ruler of this world. If you pay close enough attention, you’ll notice that Jehovah is really Satan. That’s right, the “god” of the Old Testament is Satan, not the creator God whom Yeshua talks about in the New Testament.

Some people don’t understand the reason Yeshua was sent to Earth just to die when God could simply save everyone and skip the nonsense in-between. You know, that whole Judas-the-traitor and bloody sacrifice stuff.

If God is omnipotent, why would he need to create a sacrifice? People wonder, “why would God send himself to Earth to sacrifice himself TO himself… to save people from himself?”

Yeah, that sounds batshit crazy. And it would be, if that’s what was going on. However, God didn’t sacrifice himself (as Yeshua) to himself. He sacrificed Yeshua to Satan. The true creator God is not in control of this world. This is not His world. This is Satan’s world. It runs according to Satan’s rules. Man is bound, in the flesh, to Satan’s rules.

Yeshua’s sacrifice seems strange when you believe Jehovah is the creator God. However, once you realize Jehovah is Satan, it makes perfect sense.

Jehovah, Satan, is the one who enjoys the smell of burning flesh and demands constant blood sacrifice. It’s Jehovah/Satan who is the ruler of this world, not the creator God.

Yeshua was not God’s sacrifice to himself, but was a sacrifice to the LORD, who is Jehovah/Satan. We are trapped in a world that is ruled by Satan, and blood sacrifice is the only language Satan speaks.

The true creator God made a deal with Satan/Jehovah, and provided the ultimate sacrifice (Yeshua) in exchange for providing man with a way out of this evil world. That is why it’s said that “Jesus is the only way.” Because we are literally trapped in Satan’s kingdom with no escape.

The “mark of the beast” is not 666

If you look at the original Greek manuscript for Revelation 13:18 – it was written in Greek – you won’t find the “mark of the beast” as “666.” What you’ll find are three Greek symbols: Chi Xi Sigma/Stigma. (Sigma and Stigma are pronounced the same).

In Greek gematria, Chi Xi Sigma is represented by the numbers 600, 60, and 6, which equals 666. This distinction matters immensely because “Chi Xi Sigma” was the common symbol used to represent “Jesus Christ.”

Yep, the mark of the beast from Revelation is the symbol for Jesus Christ.

What?? Hold on.

Jesus Christ is the “beast” spoken about in Revelation. But not in the way you might think. It’s not that Jesus (Yeshua) is the beast and all who worship Christ and take his mark will perish.

The symbol of Christ (Chi Xi Sigma) is not just another name for Jesus Christ – in Greek, it represents Christ’s death/sacrifice. The sacrifice Christ made is denoted as the beast, not Jesus himself. Chi Xi Sigma, as the beast, represents man, who has lost his way.

The mark of the beast – 666 – Chi Xi Sigma – represents what Yeshua died for: man using his own strength for self-gratification, doing things his way, trying to control his life and his world, rather than following God the creator.

When you try to control your life rather than giving all the glory to God, you are a slave to the beast of revelation that will keep you forever trapped in Satan’s world.

However, you won’t find the true creator God in the Bible. In the Old Testament, you’ll find Satan posing as Jehova, destroying everything and everyone.

In the New Testament, you’ll find Yeshua talking about his “father, who art in heaven.”

You have to study the parables on multiple levels to understand what Yeshua is talking about. Or, go inside yourself and find out first-hand what he’s talking about.

The “powers that be” only use “666” to create fear

The “global elite” people talk about today, who use the Bible, including Revelation and the number “666” are only using it to create fear and panic. There is no mark of the beast coming to the world.

Revelation does say that man can’t buy or sell without taking the mark of the beast. However, it’s not a physical mark. The mark of the beast (Chi Xi Sigma) is literally man’s carnal nature. To buy or sell is to indulge in self-gratification, automatically. If you are buying and selling, you are participating in the beast system that is man’s carnal nature.

You simply can’t buy or sell without participating in the self-gratification of consumerism and materialism. The idea of money itself is a beast system. When you buy and sell, you automatically participate in the self-gratification and materialism.

There will come a time when nobody can buy or sell without some kind of digital passport, but that’s not “the mark.” The mark is your allegiance to the system that creates and perpetuates self-gratification and materialism, the carnal nature of man and his desire to fulfill all of his desires and control his life and his world.

Control is the beast. Taking credit for your life is allegiance to the beast.

What about the right hand and forehead?

What about the mark of the beast being in the right hand or forehead? This is pretty easy to see. The mark of the beast is Chi Xi Sigma – the symbol of Yeshua’s sacrifice – which is represented by a cross. Roman Catholics cross themselves with their right hand and receive a mark (a cross/characterem) on the forehead for Ash Wednesday.

I’m going to piss off some Catholics here, but no organization (other than the freemasons) has closer ties to Satanism than the Roman Catholic church.

PS: have you noticed that man is made of carbon, and carbon has 6 protons, 6 electrons, and 6 neutrons? How interesting…

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“Satan, the ruler of this world, will be cast out.” (John 12:31)

“Jesus said, ‘The ruler of this world approaches. He has no power over me.’” (John 14:30)

“Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe the Gospel.” (2 Corinthians 4:4)

“We are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil spiritual rulers and authorities, and against mighty powers in this dark world.” (Ephesians 6:12)

“We know that the world around us is under the control of the evil one.” (1 John 5:19) “Who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.” (1 John 5:5)

“Jesus gave his life for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live.” (Galatians 1:4)

“The world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.” (1 John 2:16-17)

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All Beliefs are Bullshit; All Methods are Traps

Reincarnation is bullshit.
Karma is bullshit.
Souls are bullshit.

They’re all stories. Told and retold by people who don’t know. Nobody knows. Nobody knows anything. And that’s where freedom lies – in acknowledging that you know nothing.

Even when you learn from teachers who give you specific details and information – you still don’t know. You’ve never experienced any of it – that would be impossible. You’ve only heard stories.

If you believe what they say, those stories just become another belief system, and you take that belief system with you on your path and you argue it with others in defense of your acquired stories.

I invite you to consider that teachers don’t share this information because its true. They share this information because you must believe it in order to move forward in your life.

Sometimes beliefs are life boats.

The problem is, once you get to the shore, you don’t get out of the boat. You stay in the boat and float along the riverbank collecting more and more rafts.

These beliefs and stories are only a frame of reference for you to wake up. That’s how the world works. Teachers will lead you where you need to go by any means necessary. As Ram Dass said, “the method has to trap you.”

Teachers give you a life boat (a method) and you must get in (believe it) to get to your next stop. However, all methods are traps; its up to you to remember to get out of the boat.

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Burn the Shit Out of Everything You Cherish

“I get it, we’re all one! I am God just as much as you are God!” Parrots the seeker, to his guru.

“Yes, and that means you’re a murderer as much as you are the jaybird,” replies the guru.

For one who is awake, who has had a direct experience of oneness, this truth is as beautiful as the truth of the sun shining in the middle of the day.

To the seeker, however, this is received as despicable and is immediately rejected, accompanied by negative emotion, resistance and more questions.

You’ll never experience the Truth of oneness as long as you’re seeking, attending Satsang, or hanging on the words of a guru. But that doesn’t mean you should’t attend Satsang or hang on the words of a guru.

The irony is that most people need to do both in order to experience Truth. But it doesn’t happen until you let go. You must “kill the buddha,” as some say.

If you want to know who you are and why you’re here… if you wish to know Truth, you have to get out of your mind. To get out of your mind you have to question everything. You have to take all of your deeply held beliefs and convictions—you know, the pillars your entire life is founded upon, such as your relationships, your family, your obligations, your career, your gender, your talents, your skills, and even your religion—and throw it all into the fire.

Burn the shit out of everything you cherish and see what survives. Only that which survives is Truth.

Spoiler Alert: none of it will survive because none of it is True. Our lives are entirely made up of stories, opinions and beliefs we’ve collected and inherited over the course of our lives.

Even the most happy and loving stories are bullshit.

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Wake the Fuck Up

This spiritual journey is not about acquiring knowledge or having mind-blowing insights into the nature of reality and blissing out on a cloud. It’s not even about truth realization. It’s about un-truth un-realization, as stated by “Jed McKenna,” the author of the Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment Trilogy.

It’s about taking all of the lies you’ve been fed your entire life, and realizing that your whole life has been a lie; the good, bad and the ugly. All of it.

The journey is about unraveling the entirety of who you think you are until you can’t go any further, and then finding yet another fine wisp of thread to tug on in order to unravel your whole being until there’s literally nothing left.

It’s self-annihilation. It’s spiritual suicide.

It’s realizing that life is empty and meaningless, and it’s empty and meaningless that it’s empty and meaningless.

It’s being so uncomfortable with the world of lies you live in, and coming to the realization that you’ve been trading one lie for another more comfortable lie, until you have absolutely no choice but to wake the fuck up.

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Metamorphosis – The Ultimate Transformation

Butterflies and moths are two of the most spectacular creatures ever to grace us with their presence on this planet. Their delicate wings glide on invisible currents, carrying them on long distance journeys humans can only achieve with machines.

Both winged marvels start out as squirmy little caterpillars, whose stubby nature is quite beautiful when you take the time to look. Bright colors, outrageous fur, intimidating spikes, and exotic spots adorn the skins of caterpillars around the world.

Caterpillars are programmed to stuff themselves to capacity (and beyond). They eat hoards of green leaves until mother nature directs them into the next phase of their journey: metamorphosis.

Continue reading →

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My Dream Job Manifested in a Fit of Rage

There’s an idea floating around that says we create our reality, and if you want to manifest a desire, you have to do some (or all) of the following:

  • Become one with your desire
  • Feel what it would be like to have your desire
  • Spend a lot of time impressing your desire onto your subconscious
  • Use subliminal messages
  • Focus with absolute clarity on your desire
  • Set positive intentions for obtaining your desire
  • Visualize experiencing your desire with all 5 physical senses
  • Believe you’ll receive your desire
  • Avoid feeling negatively about your desire

This list is not complete by any means. There are as many techniques and rules for manifesting your desires as there are stars in the sky. A quick Google search for “how to manifest desires” will provide you with the option to buy countless programs for one easy payment of just $249 $97, promising to teach you the real secrets nobody else in the world has access to.

Before I go any further, allow me to explain why I’m writing this article. My experiences with manifesting desires contradict all of the conventional rules for manifesting. For many years I didn’t understand why. Now I do.

Spoiler alert: Along the journey I discovered that I was not manifesting anything. I was not in control or in charge of my life. I was given the illusory experience of being in control, much like a plastic steering wheel a child holds in the family car. When I began to question my experiences, they fell apart at the seams and the man behind the curtain was revealed.

I’m not writing this article to analyze any specific manifestation techniques. The purpose of this article is to create an inquiry into how manifestation actually works. Not how I want it to work, or how I think it should work – but how it actually works. And I’m exploring this because I’ve experienced an enormous gap between the way people say manifestation should work – and the way it actually works.

As part of this exploration, I’m going to share a story about how I broke every “rule” about manifesting desires when I obtained my dream job.

For ten months, I was rejected by every job I applied for despite 17 years of expertise

I was a barista, supervisor, and cafe manager for seventeen years and my coffee expertise is extensive. So imagine my shock when I found myself unemployed for ten months while living in the coffee capital of the US, unable to get hired anywhere. And I mean anywhere. I branched out to Walmart, Taco Bell, and McDonalds in three cities and got nowhere.

When I followed up on my applications, phone numbers were disconnected, managers were never available if I drove by, and in many cases no one ever answered the phone – it just rang forever. A cafe that wanted to hire me suddenly filled the position, and the only two interviews I got both said they were absolutely impressed with my skills and knowledge of the business, tested me in the store, yet still turned me down.

I was rejected from Fred Meyer, Starbucks, Target, Walmart, McDonalds, Dairy Queen, and never received a single reply from any of my 80+ online applications. Many of those applications provided no contact information to follow up, and some even explicitly stated that applicants were NOT to follow up. It was unreal. It was also maddening. My unemployment had run out and I had no money to pay the electricity bill, and there was a renter on my property sharing the electricity so that wasn’t going to go over very well. I was so desperate for a job I was willing to do anything that would pay me.

I had borrowed money for the previous month’s utility bills, and my current bills were overdue. The electricity was about to be shut off if I didn’t figure something out within days. So I got angry. I mean, I got really angry.

I spent most of my food money on gas just to deliver applications and get to interviews and ended up living off of ramen noodles, toast, and peanut butter for a few months when I had less than $20 in my bank account. I had to go on food stamps and spend hours doing surveys online for pennies just to survive.

I didn’t know if most of my anger came from not being able to get a job, or from listening to other people tell me they don’t understand why I didn’t just “go get a job” like normal people do. I did everything possible in the physical world. It just wasn’t happening.

My last job was literally handed to me on a silver platter by someone I had just met, and it required me to move to the city I wanted to move to. I didn’t put in any effort there. Clearly effort was not part of the equation for manifesting desires.

I knew that efforting in the physical world was a waste of time, but I was so upset that I kept doing it anyway. It was like beating my head against a brick wall.

I was faced with the dilemma of being unable to express to people what was going on. Nobody understood. People could only look at my situation from the perspective of, “just take the first job you can, you need to eat and pay your bills.”

Nobody seemed to understand that I wasn’t turning down jobs. I had no job offers to turn down. I was being rejected at every turn.

And the space I was in was, “I don’t care if I starve, I’m not going back to being a corporate slave and I really don’t care about the consequences.”

There are some people in this world who will sacrifice their convictions in order to be comfortable or to survive. Me? Nope. If I’m not living according to my convictions, I’m already dead. I’ll engage any experience life has to bring even if it’s not comfortable because I know what’s on the other side of the sword.

I suffered greatly for this way of being as a kid, but I always emerged victorious and created a massive wake of change for others. Rules were changed at my high school because I refused to back down in the face of opposition when standing up for what’s right. Suspension? Detention? Expulsion? Bring it on.

Everyone had opinions as to why I couldn’t get a job. Maybe it was my resume or the way I was dressed.

My resume wasn’t the problem. My attire wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I had already declared to the Universe that I did not want to work in coffee anymore, and I wanted to pursue my passion – writing. Because life had become mundane working as a slave to corporations. I was done. I just wanted to be happy. And that wasn’t going to happen if I continued to ignore my passion.

I let the rage build up inside of me

I did what you’re NOT supposed to do. I allowed myself to feel my anger deeply. It turned into a boiling rage. At first I hated the businesses that wouldn’t hire me. Then I hated the business owners. Then I hated the entire coffee industry. Next, I hated the entire world for making my life so difficult. And finally, I hated myself. I hated myself with a passion so deep that I really thought I was better off dead. I felt useless and worthless. I hated myself to the point where I didn’t care if I lived or died and I meant it. I could have put my fist through a wall I was so full of rage.

And in that moment of complete self-hatred, something shifted for me. I got up from the couch and said out loud, “what the hell am I supposed to do? I can’t pay my bills. What, am I just supposed to go do what I love and forget about the money? Is that what this is about? Am I supposed to stop applying for coffee jobs and somehow go do what I really want to do? OK fine, screw this, I’ll just go be a writer!”

I was being sarcastic. I didn’t think I could “just go be a writer.” Who does that? Who just decides they’re going to get a job doing what they love by no other means than their own declaration?

I went on Craigslist, pounded the keys searching for writing jobs, applied to the first one I found, and had no idea what I was really applying for. I was absolutely convinced that I was wasting my time and would never hear back. I was convinced that they weren’t going to like my writing samples. Or if I did hear back, they’d offer me some low wage position that wasn’t worth my time.

A few days later I got a gig writing for a well known company where I get to work from home and I get paid well.

I didn’t see that one coming. And it happened inside of my absolute rage. And that’s why I’m questioning the conventional ideas about how desires actually become manifest.

I didn’t believe in my own dream

Being paid to write and work on my own schedule without having to leave home was something I never thought I could obtain. Although it was my ultimate dream, there has never been an ounce of my being that has ever believed in this possibility. I have been filled with doubt since day one.

At one point, I had begrudgingly put on an attitude of determination and spent about three months submitting my work to various “paid writing opportunities” and ended up getting completely ignored and scammed in the process. And yet somehow the moment I got really angry and didn’t care if I lived or died is when my dream unfolded? How the heck did that happen?

Now I want to dive into a little background on my experiences that have caused me to move deeply into this inquiry. Because my dream job isn’t the only thing I’ve manifested contrary to the “rules” of manifestation. Not only have I manifested desires in a fit of rage, but I’ve manifested the majority of my desires without effort. In fact, the only desires that haven’t manifested are the ones I’ve spent time and effort trying to create.

I’ve noticed that the more effort I put into manifesting a desire, the longer it takes to manifest (if it manifests at all). And when I put a lot of effort into manifesting something, when it finally does manifest, it’s not exactly what I wanted.

On the other hand, when I don’t put any effort into manifesting, and I don’t spend any time focusing on what I want, my desires pop up like weeds – and they’re specific.

It’s as if the process of focusing on my desire actually interferes with its manifestation and dilutes the specificity of the desire.

I’ll give you a few examples:

Manifestation #1: I decided that I wanted to move back to Santa Cruz and live with my closest friend again, since we shared an apartment previously and it was such a wonderful experience. I made no effort to make it happen, and I didn’t focus on it. I set the intention with a contemplation, packed my boxes in anticipation, and left it alone.

Not long after, that same friend asked me for a ride to the airport. Somehow nobody else was able to take her. Before heading to the airport, we went to a coffee shop to meet up with a friend of hers. Halfway through the conversation he looked at me and asked me what I do. I told him I do web marketing. He said, “I need to hire you yesterday. You need to move here. When can you start, and how much money do you need?”

A week later I was living with my best friend in a new townhouse together on a cliff overlooking the ocean, and my salary doubled. Just like that.

Manifestation #2: On an excruciatingly hot, sunny day in  Hollywood, my friend and I left our apartment and began the long journey to find her car parked way up the hill. Halfway to the car I realized I forgot my sunglasses. Going through the day without sunglasses was not an option. Within seconds I literally ran face first into a tree branch. It smacked me pretty hard. And hanging on that branch was a pair of black sunglasses. I joked with my friend that sunglasses really do grow on trees! And we had an even better laugh later on when we went to a restaurant that had a miniature fake tree on the counter wearing a pair of sunglasses.

Manifestation #3: I went to Goodwill and on my way in I wondered if I might find a pair of JNCO jeans. It was only a passing thought and I forgot about it the moment I entered the store. Until I approached the clothing rack, touched my hand to part the jeans and a rare pair of JNCO jeans fell to the floor.

Manifestation #4: I went to Target and was browsing the furniture section and saw a unit that had 9 cubes and thought it would be perfect for my room. I looked at the $75 price tag and walked away. As soon as I got home, sitting in front of my apartment complex dumpster was a solid wood unit with 9 cubes, just like the one I saw at Target.

Manifestation #6: I thought it would be great to have two 6 foot tall black bookshelves with 5 shelves each. A few days later, sitting next to the same dumpster, were two identical 6 foot tall black bookshelves with 5 shelves each.

These were not isolated incidents. I have furnished every house I’ve lived in this way – the furniture I need just shows up in my life. And I have documented at least 100 incidents of effortless manifestations. Life shows up for me when I’m in a space of total surrender, completely unaware that there’s anything “to do.”

Law of attraction advice is quicksand

When so-called “law of attraction” experts say that you need to experience the emotion you’ll feel when you have your desire, it seems to make logical sense. But now I see that’s only a sure way to manifest your future from the template of your past. Emotion is the ingredient that slows down manifestation, and we’ve been sold on emotion being the “secret sauce.” And it’s just not true. Emotion is not the “secret sauce” – it’s the quicksand that keeps you struggling.

The reason positive emotion keeps you struggling is because once you entertain a positive emotion you automatically have to start fending off your doubts about what you’re trying to manifest. For example, if your goal is to manifest a large sum of money, and you try to visualize yourself feeling ecstatic about having a large sum of money, you’re also going to induce your doubts. What if I lose the money? What if it’s not enough? Do I really deserve that much money? I’ve never had that much money before,” and on, and on.

Entertaining what seems like a “positive” emotion automatically brings in your doubts. There’s no way around it. And what do you do with your doubts? You try to ignore them, sweep them under the rug, convince yourself they don’t exist, etc. And by the time you’re done entertaining your doubts, you’ve created a scenario where you’re going to manifest your money – but it’s going to come to you through your limitations – not because they’re subconscious belief patterns you can’t control, but because you brought them into your conscious awareness.

Your subconscious beliefs aren’t controlling your life from some nebulous, untouchable place. It’s not actually that complicated, but when you’re holding false beliefs about manifestation, it seems like a legitimate explanation. Pop the false belief and that explanation falls apart.

Life has its own rhythm and flow

When I stop trying to control my life, that’s when it works. It’s also when I have no desire for control. It sounds like a paradox and I suppose it is. The moment you decide you want to create something in order to change something you don’t like about your life, that’s when struggle sets in.

And “accepting what is” doesn’t mean giving in, or surrendering to a fate of oblivion in complete defeat. Accepting what is just means looking at what is and acknowledging it without making it right or wrong. It is what it is.

Cross-posted from my other blog.

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Drink Truth Straight, No Chaser

Truth is a tough subject. Although, it’s only a tough subject when you’re caught in the illusion that truth is relative. In reality – REAL reality – truth is not subjective. The concept of “my truth” and “your truth” is misleading. Experience is relative; truth is absolute. Calling experience “truth” doesn’t make it truth any more than calling a beat-up Ford a “Rolls Royce” makes it a Rolls Royce…

Obviously, the car in the above image is not a 2018 Rolls Royce. The example is quite ridiculous. Nobody in their right mind would believe for a moment that car is a 2018 Rolls Royce. And that’s the point. For those who have realized actual Truth, personal truth is as obviously false as calling the above car a Rolls Royce.

It sounds good to say truth is relative and personal. When truth is personal and relative, we can all live in our own worlds where we get to hold tight to false beliefs and nobody can pry our illusions away from us – because when there is no absolute truth, we all get to be right. Even when we’re wrong. And nobody can pop our bubble of illusion with actual Truth because, well, that’s just their truth.

We want to hang onto all of our illusions and still complete the journey to liberation. There’s just one problem: the journey to liberation is the process of discarding illusion. The illusions discarded along the journey include personal truths. All of them. Sometimes one-by-one, rarely all at once, but eventually all personal “truths” must be discarded.

Cross-posted from my other blog.

Posted on by Spiritual Heretic 0

Go Back to Sleep

Everyone holds in high regard, those who “dream big,” “have goals,” and want to “achieve success” in some way. Our entire society is centered around this mindset.

I invite you to consider that this mindset creates and perpetuates the feeling of, “not enough.”

Who is to say that having dreams and goals is optimal, while living each day as it is, without a goal in sight is less than optimal?

We live in a society that pushes perpetual goal setting, and those with goals are identified as “intelligent,” “brilliant,” and “important.”

We encourage and support each other most when we’re chasing dreams outside of ourselves. Building businesses to feed people, earning college degrees, losing weight, making money, being a contribution to the world… those are admirable pursuits.

What about those who don’t do those things? They don’t get so much attention. Who encourages someone to do nothing?

Ask someone what their vision is for their future and if they tell you they have none, you might be quick to think they’re a loser.

What if pursuing goals is a sham? An illusion designed to keep you tied to the physical world to keep striving for more and more and more… to distract you from knowing the Truth.

What if you already are a contribution to the world just by existing?

What if you’re not a contribution to the world and that’s perfect?

What if there’s no such thing as being a contribution to the world because the world doesn’t need a contribution because it’s already the contribution itself?

What if just existing is all there is to do and goals and dreams are meaningless?

What if complete satisfaction begins where the desire to be more ends?

What would you have to give up to rest in such a complete place?

Who would you be if you had nothing left to pursue, no desires, and had no vested interest in the outcome of your own life or the world?

What if dropping your attachment to outcomes is the necessary ingredient to achieve lasting contentment?

Struggle, struggle, sleep, sleep. Open one eye – go back to sleep. Strive, strive, sleep. Open the other eye – go back to sleep.

Posted on by Spiritual Heretic 0