Delusion is a Wonder Drug for Awakening

What if delusion isn’t bad or undesirable? What if you have to embrace failure, that everything you’ve ever done or tried to do in your life just plain doesn’t work, not even the feel-good stuff?

Be a heretic – it’s the only way you’ll awaken. Shred all your beliefs to pieces and don’t stop until you invalidate everything you believe.

We are selective about what we choose to dismantle in our dreamstate. What we don’t want, sure, we’ll destroy it, but what we want? Never.

People are insane. The problem with conversations is you go into them thinking that what you say is going to have an impact on the other person, that its going to make some kind of difference, but it doesn’t/// they perceive it as a threat to the point/belief they are trying to prove. It’s absolutely insane.

Stop trying to change your life. Stop. Stahp!

It seems like resignation to just allow what is… to be as it is without trying to change it. Stop resisting reality, even just as an experiment. That’s what I did. It began as an experiment. Why not? Let’s see what happens when I stop trying to change my life. The lack of resistance pushed me off a cliff I never would have voluntarily walked off. What was at the bottom?

Truth.
Reality.
Smashed bug guts.
Beauty.
Life.
Death.
Everything.
Nothing.
Truth.

I Want the Fire of Life to Destroy Me

“I am willing to be as critically pessimistic about everything as I have been enthusiastically optimistic. What’s on the other side? What if? What’s it all about? I want to see clearly, not through clouded lenses. I want to charge into my fears no matter what’s inside. I don’t want the fire of life to consume me, I want it to destroy me.”

Self-Help is a Cosmic Joke

The self-development industry is all just a giant cosmic joke. We’re running around trying to change the personality, change the ego (identity), Change the costume.

Certain self-development programs shift the story from external causation to internal causation, and it seems like you’re finally getting somewhere. “No one to blame but myself!” What a powerful place to stand.

However, neither external nor internal causation are truth. Ultimately, the credit/blame is not ours to accept.

Free will is an illusion, albeit a persistent one.

We are like little Maggie Simpson, sitting in the back seat of the car, holding onto a plastic steering wheel, believing we’re in the driver’s seat driving the vehicle. Sometimes we steer left and the car goes left, but most of the time the car won’t go where we steer. But we are determined to spend the rest of our lives trying to make the vehicle (our body/life) move in the direction we turn the wheel.

Why won’t the vehicle go where we turn the wheel?

Bad karma.
Past life issues.
Blocked chakras.
A curse.
Demon possession.
Fate.
The universe saved you from an accident.
There’s something better for you somewhere else.

Bullshit.

We’re not in control, that’s why our lives don’t follow the way we turn our fake plastic steering wheel.

We were given the fake plastic steering wheel to perpetuate the illusion of control until our life becomes so ridiculous and frustrating that we finally realize we’re not in control.

Control and free will are maya (illusion)…

The only question is… how long will you continue beating your head against that brick wall attempting to “be the master of your own destiny” and “create your reality?” How bloody does your head need to get? How deep does the pain need to go before you’ll give up?

Society tells you to never give up.

You just have to try harder.
Do it better.
Do it longer.
Do it faster.
Do it differently.
Do it three times a day.
Move into your parents’ basement if you have to.
Just don’t give up.
If you’re not getting results, you’re doing it wrong.
You can do it.
You can get it.
You can achieve it.
You can change it.
You can make it work.

Don’t you feel the blood trailing down your forehead?
Oh, right, that’s not blood, that’s unicorn glitter, your badge of honor, your permanent scar you’ll reference when you finally make it and get on stage to tell your story to the world.

Of course. Carry on.

ZzzzZZzzzz…

Why Suicidal People Don’t Ask for Help

People who have made plans to commit suicide don’t ask for help. There’s no reason to seek help. You don’t want help – you want to disappear. When you’re suicidal, asking for help allows others to coax you back into living with the pain you’ve finally found an escape from.

Only people who are undecided ask for help. Asking for help means you’re asking to go back to the lie that life will somehow get better. But life doesn’t get better. Life is complicated chaos – futile no matter how good it gets.

Even if all wishes were granted, lasting happiness is a distant dream and suicide is the only rational choice. That’s how life occurs when you’ve realized the impermanence of everything and don’t feel like enduring the bad just to experience the good.

Metamorphosis – The Ultimate Transformation

Butterflies and moths are two of the most spectacular creatures ever to grace us with their presence on this planet. Their delicate wings glide on invisible currents, carrying them on long distance journeys humans can only achieve with machines.

Both winged marvels start out as squirmy little caterpillars, whose stubby nature is quite beautiful when you take the time to look. Bright colors, outrageous fur, intimidating spikes, and exotic spots adorn the skins of caterpillars around the world.

Caterpillars are programmed to stuff themselves to capacity (and beyond). They eat hoards of green leaves until mother nature directs them into the next phase of their journey: metamorphosis.

Continue reading

Hard Lessons in Destroying Illusion

Studying one-on-one, 24/7 with my first master teacher for four years was like being glued to the seat of a train with a one-way ticket to transformation and no stops in-between: I was going there whether I liked it or not.

Did I like it? No way. She catalyzed the absolute destruction of my world, bringing me face-to-face with the undeniable fact that my entire life was a lie, a sham, a facade. However, I was more committed to truth than I was to my own preferences so I got on that train and allowed myself to be skinned alive.

A powerful realization came out of those four years. To progress on “the path,” one must “try on” the possibility that everything they believe is a lie, all their fears are real, and all their critics are right.

One must spend intimate moments genuinely and earnestly contemplating concepts such as: “I am helpless in this world, I don’t create reality or my life circumstances, my dreams are worthless, co-creation is an illusion, control is an illusion, and life has no meaning.”

Continue reading

Drink Truth Straight, No Chaser

Truth is a tough subject. Although, it’s only a tough subject when you’re caught in the illusion that truth is relative. In reality – REAL reality – truth is not subjective. The concept of “my truth” and “your truth” is misleading. Experience is relative; truth is absolute. Calling experience “truth” doesn’t make it truth any more than calling a beat-up Ford a “Rolls Royce” makes it a Rolls Royce…

Obviously, the car in the above image is not a 2018 Rolls Royce. The example is quite ridiculous. Nobody in their right mind would believe for a moment that car is a 2018 Rolls Royce. And that’s the point. For those who have realized actual Truth, personal truth is as obviously false as calling the above car a Rolls Royce.

It sounds good to say truth is relative and personal. When truth is personal and relative, we can all live in our own worlds where we get to hold tight to false beliefs and nobody can pry our illusions away from us – because when there is no absolute truth, we all get to be right. Even when we’re wrong. And nobody can pop our bubble of illusion with actual Truth because, well, that’s just their truth.

We want to hang onto all of our illusions and still complete the journey to liberation. There’s just one problem: the journey to liberation is the process of discarding illusion. The illusions discarded along the journey include personal truths. All of them. Sometimes one-by-one, rarely all at once, but eventually all personal “truths” must be discarded.


Cross-posted from my other blog.

What Came First: The Chicken or The Egg?

What Came First: the Chicken or the Egg?

This question has been asked for centuries, and in that time some decent philosophical and logical answers have emerged:

…It’s like a circle; it has no beginning and no end, it’s infinite…

…Two birds who weren’t fully chickens created the first egg that became a chicken…

…We can never know the truth; even the best evidence is incomplete…

Clearly, logic and deep thought were engaged to arrive at the answers above. However, it was the ego’s need to be right that came up with those answers. That’s fine when you’re in a logical debate, but if you’re on a mission to Awaken, those answers won’t do.

Continue reading

You Are the Wind

Billy: “so you’re basically telling me I should just go wherever the wind blows…?”

Sam: “You are the wind. You have no choice.”

When you know what you are, going with the flow isn’t disempowering. You are the flow. There is nothing else. Resistance is your prison. Realizing choicelessness is liberation.

Heroes Always Wear the Morals of Villains

We love paying $12.50 to immerse ourselves in the story of a fearless hero who saves the world while wearing the morals of a villain. Sometimes heroes need to kill everyone in their path, commit theft, arson, treason, betray their friends and family, and desecrate an entire city in order to save innocent lives.

We celebrate Hollywood heroes regardless of their actions, so long as they’ve got sex appeal. And movies don’t do well unless the good guys win, so we know they’ll eventually get around to saving innocent people.

Destruction comes with the territory of being a hero. When you’re on a mission with the fate of the world at stake, it’s okay to demolish an entire city killing innocents including women and children. It’s an unfortunate “casualty of war,” as they like to say. And they’re right. The very thing that makes someone a hero is the destruction of oppression.

You can’t be a hero to a group of people without destroying their oppressors. You’ll never be seen as a hero if you try to have a conversation or “work things out.” Hero status is virtually guaranteed when you seek destructive revenge for perceived injustice relatable to others.

Kind of reminds me of Columbine.

Hundreds – perhaps thousands – of teenagers see Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold as heroes.

In real life, we wouldn’t praise someone if they dropped a bomb on our house or executed our entire family in front of us. We wouldn’t give a damn who they were saving, and we certainly wouldn’t consider them a hero. But we’re willing to suspend those reactions in front of the big screen. Why?

Human beings are not-so-secretly fascinated with violence and destruction.

This sense of duty and mission is the reason military and spy movies are so captivating. It is in our nature to desire to feel important, to have a mission, break the rules and fly by the seat of our pants… to fail and then refine our tactics and up our game until we emerge as the victorious hero who saves the world.

But this isn’t just something kids do. This isn’t something mentally ill people do. This is something we all do.

Some of us do it by putting lives in actual danger, and some of us never take any risks at all, so we fork over $12.50 for a movie ticket every time we want to experience that adrenaline rush. We don’t want to get our hands dirty, so we let someone else do it for us; we live vicariously through characters on the big screen from the safety of our dilapidated, smelly theater seats.

Real risk is for other people. That’s why so many people see Eric and Dylan as heroes. They don’t have to get their hands dirty in order to feel like justice has been served.

Eric and Dylan took risks those people aren’t willing to take. They’re fulfilling their need to feel important by holding Eric and Dylan as heroes. They’re not willing to take the risk themselves. They’re not “there” yet. They aren’t entirely hopeless. They’re still hanging onto… something.

Risks are a requirement to play in this world.

By not taking any risks, you’re actually taking the biggest risk of all. The risk of living a mediocre life, never finding your joy and never truly living.

Dylan and Eric took the biggest risk of all. We call them cowards, but they were not cowards by any means. They faced death head-on, with no holds barred they planned and executed their own deaths. They saw it coming. They breathed it in with every inhalation. They counted down the number of meals they had left to eat on this planet. They were admittedly scared at times, but fear never stopped them.

Have you ever noticed that villains take more risks than heroes? And heroes only take risks when they wear the morals of a villain? Set aside good/bad, right/wrong and really look. It’s the villains who take the biggest risks with the biggest stakes.

I invite you to consider that perhaps we are the cowards, hiding behind our fear of death. And the reason we hate them so much is because we can’t face the way they unflinchingly embraced their own deaths.

They risked everything: their own lives, everyone else’s lives, their futures, their parents’ lives and reputation… they even risked the lives of their own friends in order to pursue their goal. Their mission mattered more than life itself.

We hate them because they gave their lives for their personal definition of freedom from oppression, yet we’re not willing to risk so much as being criticized to get what we want for our own lives.

I don’t think movies are to blame, I think movies show us what’s deeply hidden in our souls, fears, desires, and curiosities we’re too afraid to face. After all, who makes the movies? We make the movies. The big screen only shows what’s already in our hearts and minds.

Imagine if we pursued our positive dreams and goals with the same disregard for risk as Hollywood villains and school shooters have. Imagine if we were willing to die for the opportunity to pursue our big dream…

Instead, we hold back, sit on the couch, order a pizza and say, “eh, tomorrow’s another day…”

We all feel a drive to do something without anyone’s permission, to run freely through this world, without concern for anyone who may wish to stop us—and vanish through obstacles like a ghost walks through walls.

But something holds us back. Perhaps we’re not willing to risk being seen. Failure.

Maybe we’re all just winging it. Struggling and striving to keep up appearances, maintain an identity and survive.

Maybe we’re the cowards, hiding behind the fear of non-existence disguised as the fear of death. Maybe having the guts to do something with your life is a rare trait.

Maybe most people don’t feel any real urge to do anything at all until death is staring them in the face. Maybe most people only feel compelled to take action when nothing matters anymore… when suffering and death are an inevitable reality. At that point, there’s nothing left to lose. Why not put yourself out there?

Villains never wait to take inspired action.

Perhaps we can learn something from them.

Perhaps we can learn something from Eric and Dylan.

Regardless of their actions, they didn’t sit on the couch, gain 100 pounds eating potato chips while watching Netflix every night for twenty years, working the same boring job, complaining about the same boring people, posting the same boring shit on Facebook day in and day out.

What they did was wrong, but they’re no different than any Hollywood villain.

Think about that the next time you watch a movie and celebrate the destruction caused by the hero of the movie. Ask yourself, “why am I feeling excited to watch a virtual depiction of destruction and death, but real-life destruction and death is bothersome?”

This isn’t about Eric and Dylan.

This is about you.

What’s the difference between a destructive, yet celebrated Hollywood hero… and Eric and Dylan? Why is one celebrated while the other isn’t?

Why do we enjoy and celebrate the depiction of violence when it’s attributed to someone we’re told is a hero?

What happened to morality?

Anyone have a Cracker Jack box? Asking for a friend…