2010 Reblog: Commitments, Expectations, Honesty

When we allow ourselves to be abused because we can’t let go, we start to believe that we deserve it; that because the good in the situation is the best we’ve had, we can do no better. We hold ourselves back from truly living OUR lives the way WE were meant to live them with this way of thinking.

When we want something and we have little to no self-esteem, we grab the first thing that comes our way. After all, we don’t believe the chance will come around again. We’ve conditioned ourselves to believe we not only don’t deserve it, but that it is impossible to start with. We condition ourselves to tolerate that which destroys us inside as a sacrifice for whatever it is we want to gain, be it a relationship, a family or a job. The cycle continues. Unhealthy relationships are built. Healthy relationships are destroyed because of the other, unhealthy ones. Time goes on and the only way to escape the misery is to detach, let go, and move on.

But when we want something and we believe not only that we deserve it but that it is attainable and it will happen – we break free from the cycle of torturous thoughts of worthlessness and something amazing begins to happen:

We experience, for the first time perhaps since kindergarten, what it means to truly be alive.

Throughout the course of our lives we unknowingly create expectations we can never live up to. We think our peers are the ones who expect too much of us, but we are unknowingly creating those expectations.

With small talk as an example, “I’ll call you later” means, “I need to go but I feel obligated to tell you we will continue this conversation even though I have no intention of doing so.”

So what happens if someone says, “I’ll call you later?” That person will expect to be called later. And then what happens when they don’t get that call? They become worried, upset, or even angry. They feel cheated, worthless and forgotten… cast aside. There never was any intention behind the statement. It’s just one of our many learned ways to escape a situation without being honest.

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